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The Reluctant Stylista is a fashion and lifestyle blog written by Alex Lapa--the tomboy who suddenly discovered the joys and perks of dressing up. Original illustrations by Paolo Lazatin.
For inquiries, comments, invites and other messages, shoot me an e-mail. You can also ask me some fashion/styling questions--heck, in my line of work, I rarely get to dress up the same body type as my own! If your question is something that I think will benefit our readers, I will feature it in our Ask Stylista section! Click on the button below to send your questions!
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We won!
The Reluctant Stylista is proud to be a finalist and winner for two categories at The Philippine Blog Awards 2010: Best Beauty and Fashion Blog and Best Blog Design. Thank you to all who rooted for us!
Thank you to everyone who voted, we reached 2nd place at The Parisian Bloggers' Challenge!
Networks and Affiliates
May92012As I was plowing my way through my flooded inbox last night (or actually, very early today), I was a bit dismayed to see that I received another new message. I wanted to make an impressive dent in my unread emails, but it looked as if the odds were not in my favor. However, when I started reading it, my groggy head seemed to clear a little and I decided to answer right away even though I was planning to sleep just a minute ago.
I hadn’t asked permission yet to post the email, but here’s a quick summary of it. Someone shared her dilemma with me. She wanted to shift careers to Fashion Merchandising, but she graduated from an unrelated course and was currently in an unrelated job. Now she’s taking steps to try and change that, but it’s not without costs. Is investing so much time, effort and money going to be worth it, or is it all going to blow up in her face if it doesn’t work out?
The situation was eerily familiar. I want to share with you guys what I wrote back, though pardon the errors and the weird transitions between paragraphs and sentences–when I’m sleepy, sometimes my brain-to-typing-fingers process lags a bit.
Hi –!
A few years ago, I was in the same boat you are in. That’s actually the main reason why I put up my blog in the first place, because I wanted to get even just the teensiest toe in the door. I wanted to get my name out there as a budding stylist. I graduated college late (because, ironically enough, I also shifted courses), but I made up for it because I quickly climbed up the corporate ladder from junior web designer to team lead then eventually, Creative Director. But I knew that if I really wanted to shift careers, I had to go all out. I had to let go of that high paying job and start from scratch so I could retain focus. And to do that, yes I enrolled in related courses and tried to get internships, even those without pay. And at the same time, I used whatever skills and knowledge I had to promote myself because I didn’t know anyone in the industry I wanted to be in. That’s where my Multimedia arts and IT background came into play.
Now I’m not saying this is the right way to go about it. Our circumstances may differ. We may not have the same attitude, background, funds, etc. I’m just sharing my experience because back then, I was struggling to balance these two careers but I wasn’t doing a very good job of it. I realized that it was being in my comfort zone that was stopping me from going full force to a career shift. And of course, when I started the transition, I was around 25 years old. Fresh grads from fashion schools were beating me to most of these job opportunities at every turn. It wasn’t easy. I came from a really lofty position in my previous career and then here I was, feeling like a peon, doing what every aspiring new stylist did from pullouts, to dressing models backstage, to begging designers to meet deadlines and being thisclose to camping outside of their homes. I swallowed my pride. My money ran out. But you know, when you start from zero, there’s just no way to go but up. I just kept thinking about that. There was no plan B, only plan A. I didn’t dare think about what might happen if it didn’t work out, I just knew I HAD TO MAKE IT WORK OUT.
Market yourself. Expand your network (I took up courses in Fashion Styling primarily for this reason. The truth is, you can’t really learn styling in school–you learn by hands-on experience). And yes, get internships. You might want to look for companies or small businesses that don’t quite have the budget to hire a very experienced merchandiser yet. Find out whatever skills you have that may be beneficial to your career shift. And while you’re doing school, prepare yourself for the lean months up ahead–the chances of you bagging that job right away is small. But remember you can always beat the odds through sheer determination.
I can’t say I’m extremely successful in my chosen career now. But I’m embarking on other fashion ventures that I’ve thought about on my own, beyond styling, and I’m proud really proud of all these things that I’ve accomplished so far. Work life now sure ain’t easy, it’s complicated as hell, and the hours are crazy, but I’ve never regretted it.
I’m especially glad that I took that leap, I handle my time, and that now I can start building something of my own.I hope that helped get you some insight.
–Alex
Behind the scenes of Style Origin 2012: styling, clothes selections, model fittings, sequencing brandsI wanted to share this with everyone because I know there are many out there who are in the same boat. It’s not the first time I’ve been asked about something similar. People pondering about lost opportunities, time, money, effort. They’re not satisfied with their jobs but they’re too scared to take a risk. On very rare occasions, I understand why they can’t or won’t. But other times, all I hear are excuses. ‘Pag may gusto, may paraan talaga.
Just a few nights ago, while I was out drinking with friends, I divulged for the first time some of the sacrifices I had to make during that period in my life. Sure, my friends knew that I was shifting careers. And yes they knew I had a tight budget and for the most part would skip out-of-town vacations with them when I used to plan these trips myself. But they didn’t know how really bad it came to be, that sometimes I literally had nothing to eat or I couldn’t even afford to go back to my parents’ house until I received tiny paychecks from various types of work I was taking in to support the seemingly foolhardy career shift.
Needless to say, I handled my finances badly, and I wasn’t prepared for the slump. I’m sure the average person has better organizational skills than I had, so don’t be so scared. You should do waaay better if you plan it. I guess I learned the hard way, but now I’m on the path where I wanted to be. The point is, I didn’t wait for an opportunity–I made it. I knew I was at a disadvantage, being older and having graduated from a different course. And in an industry that needed a lot of PR, well, I sucked at that, too. But remember, in this day and age, every ball game has evolved. I knew I couldn’t be exempted from what I wanted to do just because I had a different diploma. So I looked for every weapon available in my arsenal and made it work for me.
If you just invested a whole lot of money to get your dream career, well, honey, in case you haven’t noticed–shit just got real. So to quote Tim Gunn: Make it work!
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BEAUTIFUL!
This is really inspiring.
Thanks Jund! You’ve definitely been asking me what a career shift feels like. You think ikaw na rin soon? ^_-
I love this blog post! I can relate, I’m older than you and I also shifted careers several times. Sometimes, you also have to recognize opportunities and yeah, it was really hard to get out of your comfort zone. Until now, I still have to fight certain urges to go back to my old ways. But it’s great we are now enjoying what we do
Thank you Kira! I know how it feels, fighting those “urges”, to just cop out and make it “easy”. But in the end, it’s not going to be easy din for me eh, I’ll still keep looking for that certain something that will make me feel proud or fulfilled. So I might as well trudge on til I get there.
I love this, Alex! I can totally relate. After I decided that I want to become a (real) writer, it occurred to me that I had many opportunities to make this happen when I was an active blogger, and that I took all those opportunities for granted. :\ You also make a good point about the finances and the PR! No matter what field you want to be in, you really have to whore yourself and make as many connections as possible. I’m not very good at PR myself, but if you can do it then I guess I can too.
See you soon!
Gawd, I still suck at PR. I just stick to the basics so as not to make a fool of myself. Smile, be courteous, thank everyone enthusiastically. I’m especially terrible at remembering faces and names; I’m still trying to get better at it.
And I agree about the blogging. Now that I find myself needing a brand name, I was suddenly conscious of how much I took the past opportunities I had (as a blogger) for granted. I mean, yes, I used my blog initially as a springboard, but I didn’t follow through, especially after the Phil Blog Awards exposure, because I was so busy/lazy. But now I’m trying to get back into the groove (still not easy–maybe I should just cop out and maintain a photo blog xD).
Hehe, we sibs have the same story naman eh. Of graduating and getting a college degree that’s not the same as our career paths. And I totally believe in everything that you’ve said.
Remember those days when I would go out of the condo at 4am and be back the next day at the same time? That was when I didn’t have enough money for food. But I was going to shoots, eating food that was provided there, and basically living on the measly allowance I was given. It was horrible. But it was an important thing to learn and experience.
Oh…and I think our ADHD has a lot to do with the shifts. And I think it runs in the family, how we’re not afraid to start from the very bottom of a new career (had to act like a fresh grad again when I shifted from web dev to game dev).
I am in the same situation myself. Seriously. I’m starting out but I’m way happier. I’m already in my late 20′s but that didn’t stop me from changing careers.
More people SHOULD read this entry.
Anyway, I think the reason why many people are afraid of doing what they’re passionate about is because of “SHOULDitis”
I read about this syndrome just recently. Should this, should that, as if there’s a definite path to life. Guess what? There’s none. There’s no one way to live life. And you don’t need to follow a specific path to be successful and to be happy.
Thank you. I’m surprised and touched that people could really relate to this. I sure hope they find it helpful because every word that I said, I meant it. It’s really true, that I didn’t want to look at anything but plan A and I didn’t want to imagine what would happen if I failed because I felt I gave up so much. I gave up so much and I didn’t want to let it go to waste, I had to make damn sure I made something of myself. I think going starting from zero and experiencing those things made me fight for it harder, and I did things I normally wouldn’t do. I had to be pushed to desperation to make things happen, so I’ll never regret that experience.
Oh my gosh, Alex. You inspire me.
Thank you Ayliya! It’s so heartwarming to know, because I just wanted to help someone out by being very honest about my own experiences. I didn’t expect that it would actually be this meaningful to other people, too.
hahahaha… Shifting careers must really run in the family. I got ridiculed really badly for a dream only I can see. Others scoffed at my ideas because it made sense to no one else but me. But honestly, every bit of it made it more worth it. Congrats on your success lex!
Let’s not count our chickens yadda yadda, I’ve still got a long way to go!
Kasi I’m still poor. LOL!!!
not if we can help it. ^_-
I am happy,sobra. And yes, we don`t wait for it to just drop on our laps. Alam mo yan, pinag-hirapan natin to ng sobra. And what I like about us is… hindi tayo selfish to share whatever we learned along the road.Mabohay!!!
Of course not, the more the merrier!
Yes!! The more, marami talaga, nge? He he he. Will repost this sa fb ko, pero sa tamang panahon, he he he. I remember you saying something about posting stuff ona Monday… So, intay mo sa Monday, i-repost ko to, promise.
This is a wonderful post Alex, this opened another perspective. People should read this.
Shifting careers is a huge risk, I totally agree with you on that.
Talaga naman if you pursue talaga what you want to do, you have to be prepared to take the good with the bad. Most especially, with what you LOVE to do. And in reality (we all know this), it will be effin’ hard. Emotionally and financially. You gotta hustle harder because you want to MAKE IT WORK. Some may call it pride, fear of failure, or even desperation, but I truly believe that everything we set out to do, if we believe in it, if we have the drive, the passion, the POWER, it will be all worth it.
A lot of peeps on my end were asking me if being in corporate made me less of an artist, because currently, I am more on art direction and strategic planning than production. Also, I was in a creative drought for almost a year. Last Monday ko lang nabalik ang aking creative juices. (Sa wakas!) Yes I do want to pursue my art full time, yes I still do have the passion. But I wanted to see what the corporate world has to offer, and it also is a learning experience din. It comes down to making a choice and standing by it, same as you leaving a cushy job as a CD and then starting from scratch, learning and relearning everything.
There is an article someone in my feed recently shared. Here is the link:
http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2012/03/choosing_between_making_money.html
Grabeh, I am super proud with what you have done darling. Keep inspiring people, and stay awesome!
Thank you Camy. I’m thankful that we live in an age where information and resources are abundant. It’s really just up to us how to use these to our advantage.
And yes, I’m excited to see more of your art! I miss it ha. I hope you don’t ever forget it. If you think finding out what the corporate world has to offer will make you appreciate your talents more, then I’m all for it.
I couldn’t agree more. Although the response wasn’t intended to me, I felt like it was me you’re talking to. I am a communication graduate but lately I am thinking of enrolling myself to Accountancy, which is my first love. I’m double-minded thinking of what other people might say since I’ve worked hard for my first course for four years being a scholar. Now I know that whatever decision I make, I just have to MAKE IT WORK OUT. Thank you so much! I love you just the way you are Alex. Keep inspiring people by being just YOU. ♥
-SunDMan
sundmanonfeat.blospot.com
Wow, color me impressed! I’d rather take communications than accounting, but that’s because it’d be easier for me haha! Accounting seems so daunting. But if that’s your love, then I say go for it! I’m sure that you’ve learned a lot of things from your previous course, and it will still help you along the way. So don’t think of it as wasted effort, just additional knowledge diba?
Kudos! And hope to see you in Bloggers United 3!
I did see youuuuu! hahahaha!
Hi Lekki! Wonderful entry.
Bakit kaya ganun… there used to be just a mid-life crisis, then a quarter life crisis was added, but now there are so many turning points to go through. The global age is a confusing age. Too many fields, too many opportunities, a whole sack of choices to make! But they are all so enticing! And it would be a waste of life not to try grabbing that one, or even many things that you like. Sayang talaga kasi kaya naman. You are right, make the opportunity then make it work!
I thought I was done with my turning point pero hindi pa pala, haha! Need to expand myself… But I’m already taking steps and your entry just fired me up even more!
I’m smart enough to find a way to make it work, so why not right? All those big successful people, it wasn’t luck that made them successful. It was planning and being smart about every decision, taking risks….
PS kaya inis din ako sa mga tao na maraming wishful thinking na wala naman ginagawa about it. Maganda rin iyon sabi ng Nike, Just do it!
3 for 3
Make your own opportunity.
Make it work.
Just do it!
Thanks for reading it Dani! Glad you liked it. I think you’re right, there are so many options available to us that it’s difficult to make a choice and stick to it. It’s the era of multi-tasking nga naman. Ako naman I guess I felt disappointed in myself at one point and I felt unsatisfied even though by the usual standards I was doing okay naman. And I realized even if I hop from one job after the other, I’d still end up with a boss that I’d probably end up disliking or cursing a flawed system and making someone else rich. Eh bakit pa diba? Kung gusto ko ma-stress eh buti pang ma-stress about things that I actually care about and or something that’s my own.
It feels good, making a choice, and working hard for it.
“And I realized even if I hop from one job after the other, I’d still end up with a boss that I’d probably end up disliking or cursing a flawed system and making someone else rich. Eh bakit pa diba? Kung gusto ko ma-stress eh buti pang ma-stress about things that I actually care about and or something that’s my own. ”
I just sighed so deeply because I have so many feelings and thoughts that I want to share but I don’t know where to begin!
I’m going to quit my PR job this month because—and let me clarify this isn’t an insult to people with an opinion opposite mine—I didn’t like how I had to stretch truths to sell, or encourage people to buy what they don’t need, just a lot of other things that didn’t mesh with my principles… PLUS, my bosses are asses.
While walking home today I was thinking, “Kakayanin ko ba?” My workload’s pretty good, I don’t have much overtime, pay’s okay… but I was miserable with the higher ups and their system!!!
Sabi nga nila, kung marami kang reklamo sa boss mo, maging entrepreneur ka na lang lol Which is what I’m going to be, sans the “mabulaklak” na copywriting at advertising. Thank you (and Lauren, for her Your Money or Your Soul post!) for the inspiration.
Happy birthday, too!
Thank you so much! And good luck. I have a lot of respect for people like you who are brave enough to push for independence. I’m not saying that having a day job is a cop-out–but there are some, like those of us who don’t get the same sense of fulfillment like others do at their jobs, I think it’s just better for us to carve our own path (even if we don’t end up as rich or stable, hehehe).
Oooh saan mo narinig o kelan mo naisip iyan “why make someone else rich?” hehe cuz that’s EXACTLY what a co-teacher told me before about why she left her well-paying corporate job. she didn’t like the idea of helping Pangilinan get richer ( or whoever her big boss was, I thnk she worked at Smart). haha oonga naman! esp for those companies that dont take care of their employees. waaah why stay?!?
take a lesson from the Chinese, you will never get rich by being an employee.
I’m not against making someone else rich perse, and it’s not even about making myself rich. It’s just that I’d rather be stressed over my own decisions or my own business ksi at the end of the day I can say that it’s mine. Mas mahirap, yes, pero mas fulfilling. So kung maghihirap nalang din ako, working, it might as well be for myself kesa ibang tao pa nakabenefit sa efforts ko.
Also, what you said about people being whiny or puro wishful thinking, yeah, minsan I’m fighting the urge to roll my eyes pag narinig ko na yun from them a dozen times and wala parin silang ginagawa. And I hate excuses. When I started, I felt insecure but I knew I should never show it and never let it beat me. If I appear sure, people are bound to respond more positively, kahit sa totoo lang peke yung confidence ko hahaha. Wala akong kilala sa industry? Eh di magenroll at kumilala. Hindi ako kilala? Eh di gumawa ng online folio/blog. Hindi maganda/fashionable? Napauso nga ni Mary Kate Olsen ang trashy chic, kahit taong grasa pwedeng maging stylish. Street smarts/diskarte lang talaga.
Alex! First, I want to say thank you! I did not expect for a reply kaagad! I’m so sorry if I wasn’t able to respond to your email, I got so busy with “work” (did not go home for 2 days, yup I’m in the office the whole time). You’re response is so inspiring and gave me clarity. I will reply to your email very soon (yup, still at work lol)I just don’t want you to think that I did not appreciate your response (which I do and I’m really thankful!)
x.s.
Step 1 FTW!
I went to SoFA earlier to enroll
Woohoo! Congratulations, Ais! Now I’m the one who has to say sorry because I haven’t replied yet to your last email. But I will! I’m quite excited for you! Keep me updated on your progress, okay?
Will surely do! Can’t wait!
)
Sorry for the misspelled words and wrong grammar
Thank you for sharing this, Leki! I love it. I admire you for taking that leap of faith and doing something that you love. We all have our little monsters of regret hounding us day in and day out and it takes so much passion and courage to drive them away. Good for you
Thank you Chris!
I still have a lot left to do, but I’m enjoying the ride.
Inspiring
Thank you!
This is beautiful, dear. Thank you for sharing.
I had no idea of how much it cost you because you always handle yourself in a rockin’ way. I salute you, cuz!
It was kind of embarrassing, but I figured, hey, a lot of people will probably benefit from sharing my experience, too. Thank you Aggie!
Hi Alex!
Thank you for sharing this! Your post was very REAL. You did not hide the ugly side of shifting careers. What’s even greater about your post is that you remained determined about your decision. In Tagalog, “may panindigan ka” and I’m very proud of you.
Many career shifters give up even before they reach their peak. In my opinion, they should go for it! It’s hard to a life full of regrets and what-if’s.
Thanks Ira
Lam mo yan, expert ka rin sa career shifts! And look at you now. Cheers!
This reminds me of something my kabarkada told me recently. She had a friend in college who had to take up a marketable course since her parents wanted her to do so. SO like a dutiful daughter she did and worked for a while after college, saving some money with the intention of enrolling to a specialized school to take up fashion design. After years of hard work, she was finally able to graduate, headed to London to work as a fashion designer and now has her own line of lingerie there. Passion is what should fuel our motives and when it does, regardless of the work we have to do in order to achieve our goal, we are able to come out stronger and more wise.
And she comes out the better for it–I’m sure she hasn’t exactly wasted time in a marketing course as she probably used it when she set up her own line. But this also reminds me of one of the excuses that people like to spout–”My parents made me enroll in a course I didn’t like” yadda yadda. You can only blame your parents up to a certain point. Pretty soon, after college, what we do with our lives our entirely up to us. I agree, passion is what should fuel our motives, and we should make our own opportunities.