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The Reluctant Stylista is a fashion and lifestyle blog written by Alex Lapa--a once tomboyish girl who suddenly discovered the joys and perks of dressing up. Original illustrations by Paolo Lazatin.
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So we have our very first guest blogger for The Reluctant Stylista, talking about a topic that’s actually a bit timely given that it’s Father’s Day today. Yes, ladies and gents, it’s my brother who wrote out this blog post after having a sudden revelation about the state of his dress. I think plenty of people will be able to relate to this post, even women–at least those who fantasize about dressing up their boyfriends or husbands who aren’t always so receptive to the idea.
Enjoy, and I hope everyone had fun at their Father’s Day celebrations! Note that all comments in italics are from me. –Alex
***
You often never see it coming. You start to tell lame old jokes that people say “baduy” to while still inexplicably laughing at it. Have a finer appreciation for the taste of fish heads especially on Sinigang and lose it when you see the younger generation “not eating it properly”… (“Ano ba yan, di ka marunong, ang daming laman o, yung pisngi masarap yan… akin na nga!”). Wearing underwear or home wear that looks more akin to donations for flood victims than the Hanes brand they really represent except that these are so old and tattered, women in your lives secretly throw them away because YOU wouldn’t (well these are so comfortable. What do you want from us? ^_^).
Sooner or later it creeps up on most men: The “Dad” stage. I’m not just talking about those that have kids and have become dads. I’m referring to a stage in a guy’s life where he sees his “dad” in the mirror, even though, at some point of his young life, he may have promised himself that he will “never be that lame”. Guys rarely notice because it adds ever so slightly, and the progress is so subtle that it escapes us. You start to get higher up the corporate ladder or your business grows, you have a serious relationship or you’re about to get married, you start to feel “there are more important things I could do with my time” more and more. Either way, at this stage a guy will have less people he needs to gain approval from, which, although is good, can also have its downside.
Its 7:30am, I was in Toyota Service lounge for my car’s 1,000 km check up. There was a café inside where I bought my coffee. There were crisp news papers on the tables, and the morning news on the flat screen. I stood near a group of guys to watch the news. There were about a couple of middle aged guys, a few in their late 30s and me. I glanced at the guys watching with me and it hit me hard like Ben Gay to the nuts… we were all wearing “dad” wear!!!
Polo shirt… check
Walking shorts with too many pockets… check
Big and dusty slippers/sandals… check
Cellphone on holster… on his belt… check
Keys on a link, and again… on his belt… check
How could this happen to me when I’m only 31 years old!? How far have I come? Odd as it may seem, when my sister (the blog’s owner) was still learning about fashion, waaaay back almost a decade ago, she would often ask my opinion. I went for fedoras, bowler hats, chucks, and plain white shirts before anyone did and simply because I think they look awesome and not because I read it somewhere or there’s a new bandwagon to jump into. At work and on casual Fridays, officemates would ask me where I got the coat type leather jacket, and straight cut jeans. And even though it was a big workplace, people knew who I was simply by describing the way I dressed. Fast forward to today, I realize all this while my coffee is still warm, and the sports section under my arm still yet remains unread…. Ugh! I am wearing the “dad” look. *hangs head in defeat*
It may seem inevitable since guys at this stage tend to go for comfort and practicality rather than fashion. Although, guys can do something to slow the transition, or stop the bleeding so to speak. Yes, we can dress up from time to time and maybe discuss more on how to stop evolving completely into the middle aged look:
The shirt: Polo shirts, practical, affordable and best of all comfortable.
Delaying the “Dad”: You may want to avoid totally looking like your dad by NOT wearing give away T-shirts with printed logos and information of a company or a business that you own.
The better alternative: Of course the main concern of guys like me is dressing not to look cool but to BE cool, cool in the sense that it was 35 degrees yesterday and I don’t want to be sweating all day. I can probably change it up and wear buttoned on shirts with lighter fabrics.
Walking Shorts: Yeah, nothing really beats having durable shorts with pockets for filing cabinets. All those storage space for receipts, change, and notepads. *winks at the ladies* sexsaaah!
Delaying the “Dad”: Not much to say except It would be nice to keep the length below knee at least. Also, I would opt not to tuck in the shirt in case overwhelming evidence of the Wife’s good cooking is showing.
The better alternative: Blog author’s note: Shorts are actually fine, it really just depends on what you pair it up with. You can always wear pants instead of a pair of shorts. If you don’t want to wear heavy denim, then you can wear pants with lighter fabric such as cotton or linen and pair it up with a cool white polo or shirt. Pretty bohemian, but it works with our freakish weather.
Men’s shorts
From local brand Obra ni Juan. Great store, but they really have to work more on their photos and models/poses. They can definitely look better.
Footwear: Can’t hardly beat the flipflops and sandals.
Delaying the “Dad”: I was told it’s fashionable in Europe. I don’t give a rat’s ass if its fashionable in Eutopia. No way am I evolving into the “dad” fashion of wearing leather shoes without socks. Its always humid in the Philippines so to do so would be disgusting and unhygienic.
The better alternative: Author’s note: Sandals are still good so long as it’s a decent pair. Especially if you’re living in the suburbs like we do and everything is really just a walk or a stroll away (if you ever get to Alabang Town Center or BF Homes, notice how the people are very casually dressed, like they just went outside of their homes. Because they really just did). If not, you can always go for canvas shoes or some other type of walking shoes that can be worn without socks (not leather).
The Phone: Ironically, for an important work tool. Men like us hardly care for the brand or model. Just as long as it texts and calls.
Delaying the “Dad”: I’d probably be better served just ditching the notepads and use phones that incorporates planners.
The Keys: Most probably this will be a collection of warehouse, office, car, house keys, etc.
Delaying the “Dad”: Don’t keep adding them to your belt unless you’re going for the “custodian” or “manong guard” look.
Better Alternative: Author’s note: Keep your keys in your pocket or in a clutch bag. I know some people think the hard leather clutch bag still has that daddy air, but really, it’s not so bad. If you want to keep it simpler and lighter, you can go for a soft faux leather clutch.
This month, I’m hoping I can feature more of men’s fashion. Sadly, we don’t have many local blogs writing about it and we have even less for straight men’s fashion. I hate that many local male “fashionistas” here think that mugging the mannequins at Topman is the height of fashion. If I had a peso for every Topman catalogue clone I see walking in Greenbelt, I’d be living like a queen by now (pun intended).
To help out with guys’ fashion options, you can take a cue from Spring/Summer 2011 collections of
GAP:
Light fabric for tops that can be layered with a hoodie or a vest when it gets cold, and comfy walking shoes
Lacoste:
Forever21
(maybe it’s a little teenager for guys in their 30s, but you can always opt for shirts that are less noisy and leave the vibrant colors to shoes or other accessories):
This could definitely work:
Locally, I love shopping at Oxygen. I’ve bought a lot of stuff from Oxygen these past few months, even from their men’s collection. They’re definitely leaps and bounds from where they were just a year ago. I’m definitely impressed. They also have a lot of basic white tees with nice graphic prints that are never overdone. Below are some photos from their Philippine Fashion Week Holiday 2011 collection:
We were styling for the press kit of Philippine Fashion Week when I first saw denim designer Derick Hibaler stride into the room and it was hard not to look at him. He reminded me immediately of Johnny Depp, and I wasn’t alone in that thought. He had that sort of same aura and appeal, even though he wasn’t typically handsome, and I like how he puts his outfits together. With the way he held himself, he looked even better than his model when it was time to pose for his designer profile. Here are some photos from his recent Holiday 2011 collection:
The denim designer himself with fellow designer Yako Reyes:
Paparazzi shot! (was too tongue-tied to approach him for a decent, upfront photo). Straw hat, white-shirt, cool denims and dirty sneaks with an attitude (at one point, he made his model wear his shoes to avoid looking too polished for the photos). Oh, and the tattoos help with the awesomeness factor, admit it.
And of course, the real Johnny Depp. I know, sorry guys, but if you looked like him there’s just not much room for error.
But don’t forget, he’s a dad, too, you know.
Have you ever thought about doing a delay-the-Dad-look trick with someone you know? Do share.
Photos from Style.com, The Philippine Online Chronicles, Fashioning.com, and Nio.
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OMG Alex, this post rocks! Haha I notice that a lot of guys do start looking like “tatays” once they hit their early 30s or even their mid-late 20s. I’m totally showing this to my boyfriend, he might have a tip or two to contribute. He’s kuripot about shopping but he knows how to dress well. I’ve never seen him in shorts except for the beach, and he doesn’t own a single pair of sandals (thank God, most men’s sandals are so ugly). I have no idea how he survives hot days in jeans and sneakers though.
Yes please! I’m interested in what Marco has to say. I’m one of the girls who haven’t attempted to dress up her guy yet, and I’m just fine with whatever he puts on. But a common friend of ours commented one day that he was starting to look like a dad! I dunno why though, or if I’m really just oblivious to it. I never saw my boyfriend wearing shorts or any of those mentioned above, either.
And as for the jeans and sneakers, I thought that was already the cooler (literally) option for guys. I wonder if they have something like chambray pants for us?
Sometimes they even start looking like dads in their 20s…around 2 years after they graduate from college. Meep.
Sometimes hindi pa nga graduate eh. xD Grabe!
Kuya Pau, I luuurve this post! I read it aloud to the family kanina! Hahahaha… good suggestions peppered with witty jokes. Hope there are more guest posts in the future
I will definitely tell him! This whole thing was his idea! And it’s been written for weeks, I just found time to post it last night before Father’s Day ended.
I always felt that most guys here in the Philippines start doing the “dad” look after college. Because of the pressures of work, they justify all the beer they can drink and end up with beer bellies right after.
I’ve met a few cool dads, most of them obsessed with the gym. But then, that’s typical of alphamales — overachievers in everything from work to family to their looks. Now, if we can just meet more of them….Hnnn….
GQ has some great ideas from how to pick a suit to everyday work wear. I hope men could just take it. There’s free tips available online too!
I think you’re right in that most guys do think all-they-can-eat/drink is the reward for all the pressures and hard work. And it’s easy to look like GQ if you looked like their models and we had a cooler weather! Most guys complain that there’s just not much you can do with this kind of heat. So I’m still researching what’s the best casual wear for guys without looking ending up with that tatay look!
Well it’s not always necessarily a reward. I think its more to do with security (pangit pag masobrahan). If you see Lions in the wild, the biggest Lions are actually the laziest and lax in the group because they have less fear. There’s a mentality that makes you lax when you feel less need to win the approval of people. You can see the quintessential example of this in Binondo stores among traditional chinese businessmen. So in this case, at some point, one really just dresses for comfort… always.
@ Aggie
Thanks ags. It’s always funny here inside my head so i’m glad you had a small taste of it. wahahaha.
)
Beer bellies = nasobrahan ng beer. That’s why beer bellies form. Hence, most men get this and then not feel compelled to dress in clothes that actually fit.
Some think it’s a chicken or the egg reality — which really came first — the lazy mentality or the beer belly that led to lack of style?
I think it’s the mentality. Men complain that women always want them to change when they can’t change. Therefore, this just means that men who’ve got beer bellies were lazy to begin with because their mentality has always been that way…and that has led them to the lazy guy style that we see all over.
Well there’s a lot of successful guys who have a beer guts and they wouldn’t get to where they are by being lazy. I could also name more than quite a few friends who are muscle bound gym rats who are bums (kalaro ko lang sa basketball kanina). lol
I don’t have a beer belly but I wouldn’t automatically call someone who has lazy. That’s like calling a chubby woman lazy when there are a lot of chubby workaholics in today’s offices. Actually minsan, I find those that have perfect physique eh yung maraming oras na pwedeng sayangin. Well, its either that or their careers depend on their looks.
imho, I wouldn’t equate lazy style to lazy person/mentality. Because of all the things going on in real life, I wouldn’t blame anyone if they forget about fashion.
And that’s what this post is all about, a reminder.
Kuya Pau, I gotta say it again super fun and insightful read itong post mo and I was laughing at every paragraph. I love the daddy jokes, and a lot of your observations are on the money. More posts to come ha!!
Considering my own “papa” devolving into a “daddy”, ‘di naman siya naging lazy but it’s really me who can’t stop taking care of him. Kasi before he wasn’t eating well, and now… well he eats super well. Haha. You should see the lunches I pack him… ako ang may kasalanan na nagkaroon siya ng belly. hehehe. I agree it’s a security thing more than laziness. And ako naman, after seeing him work so hard for us I don’t get na on his case except for maybe suggesting a few sit-ups. What’s important than being physically fit is being fit as a good husband and daddy. And I think the little paunch suggests prosperity, and as a wifey I kinda like it. =)
I also forgot to mention the most important thing… I love him kasi so no matter how much he “devolves” into daddyhood I’m still going to think he hung the stars. Haha. Basta mabango pa rin siya I think I’ll stay hooked. Yun din ang key pala. At least sana mabango
I always loved The Sartorialist: http://thesartorialist.blogspot.com/
And I noticed the European men are always adventurous — with color: http://www.style.com/trendsshopping/stylenotes/061511_Tommy_Ton_Menswear/ Asians are into black and all when they’re thinner than their European counterparts. I can’t understand it.
As for the best casual wear…hnn…the definition of a quintessential well styled man is a suit. I still believe that men should invest in a good one and just like GQ and Carson Kressley said, “Be good friends with your tailor.” That’s what Asian men should do, “Tailor, tailor, tailor.” Stop with the pleated pants for work and go with pants that actually fit.
If it’s hot, then ok, just go for the basics. Make sure the stuff fits. Don’t put on stuff that are too baggy and looks like they melt on you. Let me quote Cher from Clueless, “So okay, I don’t want to be a traitor to my generation and all but I don’t get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair – ew – and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we’re expected to swoon? As if!”
Alex, you hit the right spot! Agree with everything you said (I’m also from the South and yes, people dress so comfy!), I think I know na what to get next for my kuya who’s hitting 31. Thank you! =)
Haha, isn’t it? I feel inspired to make more straight men’s fashion posts!
) I feel like girls can still relate to it!
haha… this is a fun read. “daddy’s fashion” coming together with “daddy’s joke”
Pabasa ko nga kay Mark, lol.
BWAHAHA! Let me know what he thinks.
*checks out his current wardrobe… sighs*
HAHA! That made me laugh out loud. Let’s shop when you get back!
Interesting post.. but also as a foreigner here in the Philippines I find most Pinoy clothing has the wrong cut for my broad shoulders and muscular legs. Yet the clothes that I can only class as “american design” seem too old even for what my father wears.. Im 37!
Makes me wonder where foreigners shop over here as I’m sure they’d all have the same problem. Have you tried international high street brands like Zara, Topman and Gap? Though of course they’re for casual wear, but if you want something fancier, you can check out Joey Samson or Rajo Man as they can customize to your size.
Wow. Now I know why my French friend (who is only 27) complains about seeing tourists here wearing floral shorts and tops. Those must be the only things that fit.
They should just shop at GAP na lang, haha!
Yaiks… I’m one of those who like lots of pockets… YAIKS!!!